No one can "let you"...you're not four anymore.

There are so many things people say around pregnancy and birth that make me cringe, but topping the charts are phrases or questions like "will they let you go past your due date?" or "they won't allow you to eat in labor so eat all you can at home before you go to the hospital!" and even "you have to go to the hospital immediately if your water breaks."

Umm, no. WHAT?!

When I hear these things, sometimes I don't even know where to start in my response. So for the sake of this blog post I'll focus on the permission language. That stuff makes me want to puke the most.

Last I checked, you're not four years old anymore. People

"allowing you" or not "letting you" do things should've been done a long time ago.

Let me be clear, NO ONE can "allow you" or not "let you" do ANYthing. Period. It doesn't matter who they are. And I'm not just talking about during the perinatal period. You're a grown up, you're the parent, you have autonomy, you make the decisions. Now, you may have to learn how to advocate for yourself and your preferences in the birth room. And that's ok. Those you invite to your birth team should be informative, supportive, helpful, encouraging and should back you up if needed. If they are oppressive in any way, BYEEE.

Also, one last thing...since when does someone YOU pay get to tell you what to do?

The answer is never. They work for you, my friend. Yes, they went to med school. Yes, they wear a fancy white coat and a stethoscope around their neck. But guess what, YOU hired them to provide you with a service. Part of their job, is to give you information and options to allow you to make the best decision. Unfortunately, healthcare doesn't always work that way in our country.

You have the final say every time, no matter who is in the room.

Get after it,

Doula Nicole